As I've been working out, I've noticed that people, primarily girls, have been giving me more attention, and i've realized that my opinions is respected only because I'm buff possibly?

I don't really know how to feel about this.

I have been extremely skinny in college, made fun of too, not really an expert when it comes to socializing with people or making friends with girls at that time and still now,

now that I'm more so at my the weight i should be and with more muscle on me, i notice there is much more respect and less teasing and taunts given only because of my looks,

I'm not sure why i wrote this post, but this is a feeling I've had as I haven't really kept pictures of my progress, so I always have that 'skinny guy' mindset in my head even though I'm much bigger now? Does anyone have any thoughts about this?

William,

Well I think many of the males on this site would be lying if they didn't agree that part of the motivation for working out is to look better/more attractive to the fairer sex :-) Socially speaking, we are bombarded with images and marketing messages that being lean and muscular is attractive and these are the type of people, both male and female, that we should be around.

That being said, I think a couple of things are going on. Since you said you have always been skinny, building muscle causes you to exude confidence which other people sense even if it is not apparent to you. Genetically, we are tuned-in to perceive the "quality of ones genes" based on our appearance and confidence. Evolutionarily speaking, a person who is lean and muscular and exudes confidence is a better potential mate to propagate desireable genetic traits. Males also sense this as "measuring someone up" as a potential rival for females. This is all primal stuff and wired deep in the primitive limbic systems of our brains but is externally exhibited in the reactions you are seeing from other people towards you.

John

I definitely agree with what you said John about most of these things being 'primal'

I guess another thought I wanted to point out is that when I was skinny and tried talking to people, I would get called 'creepy' a lot for reasons that I don't think are justified,

Now that I'm lean and more muscular, not in a imposing scary way, like Scott Herman kind of, a mini mini Scott Herman? I never get those negative labels, just simply stated if someone doesn't like me,

Pros and cons, I guess, but another thing that annoys me is that, i don't necessarily exude more confidence, but I just feel more people are more comfortable around me vs before, nothing has really changed except my body, I don't really take things for granted, and I'm not one to show off my body, but it makes me think if I was 'skinny' me would anyone care or respect me still?

William,

I totally understand. Sometimes people are too superficial and they label those who may not have developed "polished" social skills as "creepy". I wouldn't let it bother you. Unless you walk around with your hair on fire, a Devil T-shirt, and bite the heads off small animals in front of people, I don't think you need to let public opinion bother you :-)

As for confidence, it is not just an outward appearance but also a subliminal thing. You don't need to be consciously aware of it but subtle things like the way you walk, stand, or even you mannerisms can hint to more confidence which our primal brains pick up on. I think it is commendable that you have not let your training go to your head and change you into an arrogant prick. Many people get in shape and then lose their original identities and take on a whole new persona. At the end of the day, people like being around positive, confident, attractive people. Everyone's measurement of attractiveness varies but it is universally accepted that lean and muscular men are more desireable to be around than those less so. It is just a hard fact of our primordial roots :-)

Would they care or respect you if you were still skinny, your true friends and family would and the remaining people probably wouldn't. You need to ask yourself who is most important to you to influence who you are and will be - the man in the mirror or the gaggle of superficial wannabe's? I would choose myself every day and twice on Sunday.

John

In my opinion, most girls dont like the buff look and they actually dont respect it at all. At least semi-intelligent girls. Most girls like an athletic toned body, but a bulky or shredded body they might find unattractive, even disgusting.

You can be skinny with no respect and then get all big and muscly and still earn no respect. In your case, it might have given you confidence and this might be why they respect you more as a man, not so much the actual body. It all comes down to character. Obviously you dont want to have a big fat belly and huge man-boobs but other than that its all characher-related. A smart girl would always choose a funny/smart/athletic/flexible/social guy instead of a bulked up/selfish dude whos main concern is when he 'll have his protein shake.

Thats my opinion anyway :)

Kostas

LOL.....I love the sentence "who's main concern is when he'll have his protein shake"......LOL

John

hahahaha cheers :)

As a female... my only concern "IS" when i'll have my protein shake! :P

ok ok. kidding aside. I agree with both answers, from John as well as from Kostas.

John had put it nicely, some things simply are primal and wired deep. And the younger people are the more they still are wired to this. Young gurls, young guys often really look for potential mating partners, and here by genes the 'survival of the fittest' counts and everything that appears to be a good match and give a fresh strong mixture in genes when reproducing.

On the other hand young people (and unfortunately also many old ones) are heavily brainwashed and conditioned by media, advertisement, and trends that are being dictated to them.

But also as Kostas said, most females rather look for an athletic type, just as men mostly look for a not too 'big' woman but with yet still females shapes, for primal as well as conditional reasons here too. And just like many females don't like bulky or buff guys, many men do not really feel attracted to strong toned / lean women.

But on the other hand, we are humans and we have this awesome skill to adapt things to our will, and once we learned that outside (being: looks) is not equals inside (being: character etc), we don't really care much about looks anymore at all, and just go by what seems to be a good person and a partner we can share our time with, and who makes us happy,

But it is very true that respect comes and is only earned from yourself. If you feel confident then this is a) how others percieve you.. and b) also how you percieve others. You might even see the same situation just with different eyes now because you are way more confident and relaxed and do not feel taxed by every look you get with the thought they might think bad or minder of you. And also others will react different to you when you are not looking insecure, and like an easy target to make fun of.

Makes sense?

=)

Perfect. I was hoping a female Hermanite would add her perspective since women know women the best :-)

John

No, I don't respect guys just because they are buff lol. I respect them or anyone, who respects me as a person. Be happy with your progress, people are noticing :)

Maybe people respect you because you're a nice person. I can definitely say that if a guy is buff and an arrogant jerk, the same applies to girls, I can't stand them.

It has everything to do with how you feel about yourself. Experiment example: Before going to social gathering think depressing thoughts about yourself them go while depressed and you won't get attention you are use to. (Beside people trying to be curious about why you are so in dumps)