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The Zombie Survival Workout!

You Don’t Need To Be Fast, Just Faster Than The Slowest Person.

Posted by sdknowlt - August 19th, 2013

All these zombie movies that have been coming out probably have you thinking, "I wonder if I would survive a zombie apocalypse?" I bet most of you think you would fair pretty well, right? Before answering this, let me paint you a picture of what you will be dealing with. They definitely are not the slow moving, crippled zombies from the "Thriller" video that look like they have just finished a killer leg workout (If you've ever lifted legs hard, you know exactly what I'm talking about). I'm talking about the "I Am Legend" and "World War Z" zombies that for some reason have crazy speed and want nothing more than to rip your face off and feed it to their crazy zombie dogs! (That's right, there are zombie dogs in this scenario) Now how do you think you would do? Still feeling pretty good about it?


Lucky for you, I've come up with a workout that will give you the best fighting chance to fend off those filthy fellows.

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Random side question: Anyone else ever wonder why zombies are always so mean and aggressive? Why can't there be pacifist zombies or zombie monks? I don't get it.


Alright, back to business. This set of workouts is intense and focuses on functional strength, speed and agility, and muscular endurance. Giant biceps and "show" muscles look great and all, but if you can't even bend your arms, how can you expect to reach back and fight off a group of zombies that have launched themselves onto your huge landing pad of a back?


Every exercises is designed to have you jumping higher, running faster, swinging harder (maybe an axe or baseball bat?) and being able to repeat any motion many times with the same strength as the first rep (sorry powerlifters, you gave it your best shot).

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Monday: Strength and Endurance

Do each of these exercises for 1 minute straight without breaking. Perform the following exercises as part of a circuit, resting 15 seconds between sets. After each circuit, rest 2 minutes, then repeat. Perform 3 circuits of the following exercises:

  1. Kettlebell Swings
  2. Burpees
  3. Pushup-to-Row: (Get into the pushup position while holding dumbbells. Do one pushup, then perform a row with each arm. Repeat motion)
  4. Mountain Climbers
  5. Squat Box Jumps
  6. Push Press
  7. Plank


Tuesday: Speed and Agility

Today is all about speed and agility. You need to be fast. You don't necessarily have to be faster than the zombies; just make sure you can outrun the fatter guy next to you and you'll probably be fine.


Here's what you will be doing:

  1. Shuttle Run: Mark two parallel lines 30 feet apart and place 5 blocks of wood or similar objects behind one of the lines. Start behind opposite line. Run to the blocks, pick one up, run back to the starting line, place the block behind the line, run back and pick up the second block, and run back and place the second block behind the starting line. Do this for all 5 block. Do 3 sets.

  2. Get Up and Go's: Start lying on your stomach. Get up and sprint 50 feet as fast as you can. Walk or jog back to the starting line. Perform 10 sets. When outrunning a zombie you will fall, trust me. It's how fast you can recover that will determine if you eat your next meal...or they do.

  3. Intervals:  Run around the track for 1 mile. On each lap, sprint one of the straights for the first workout. The second time you do the workout, sprint 6 total straights. The third time you do this workout and every time you do it after that, sprint all the straights. You can either jog or walk the turns, depending on how tired you are, but try to jog them. (Don't worry, the zombies will probably ease up if you're feeling a little winded and need to walk. Let me know how it works out for ya)


Wednesday: Rest

Luckily the zombie apocalypse hasn't happened yet, so you still have this luxury. Use this time to stretch and thoroughly research your eventual foe.


Thursday: Power

A time will come when you need to fight the zombies head on. I'm here to help you develop the power needed to make sure they don't get back up after you smack them with a baseball bat (my theoretical weapon of choice, being a Giants fan and all).


Here is a list of exercises you will need in your arsenal:

Note: Use the machines and weights they have in the gym. Keep the bats and crowbars at home. I don't think they will let you bring in your own "workout" equipment.

  1. Woodchoppers: 4 sets x 8 reps (perform all the reps on one side, then switch)
  2. Dumbbell Step Ups: 4 sets x 10 reps
  3. Plyometric Explosive Pushups: 4 sets until failure
  4. Medicine Ball Slams: 4 sets x 15 reps
  5. Push Press: 4 sets x 8 reps
  6. Weighted Pull Ups: 4 sets until failure


Friday: Rest

Do a little foam rolling and some simulation drills, but only light contact and at half speed. Don't want anyone getting hurt in training, otherwise you'll be the only one left for the zombies to go after.


Saturday: Start from the beginning

The most important way to survive a zombie attack is to stay with a team and make yourself as useful as possible. For the smaller guys out there, it's going to be tough for you. In the coming months, you will need to focus on putting on some size so you can carry more ammunition/supplies and off more zombies (If you're not planning on keeping track of how many zombies you kill, how will you know if you beat the high score?). I strongly recommend you move forward with the Weak Bod to Greek God Protocol, the fastest way to put on healthy, functional muscle that will allow you to be a key member to your zombie survival team.


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MEMBER COMMENTS

NathanMiller

Not for me, but great for people just wanting to make workouts less monotonous.  I tend to be overly businesslike and occasionally need to add some silly nonsense into my routines to keep it fun.  Nice article!

Scott_Herman

nothing wrong with some silly nonsense! haha

Dave_Diesel

I realise this was published a while ago; however, a very entertaining read nonetheless - I've been to a zombie flash mob, and contemplated going on one of those zombie runs. Fun times!

Scott_Herman

haha me too.  best at the arcade right?

Dave_Diesel

Damn, I haven't tried that lol - But House of the Dead in the arcades was fun!

Scott_Herman

I love arcade shooters!

Rel

Well I really did wonder if I will survive a zombie apocalypse..  I thought firepower was enough LOL!! 

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